


Hanging On

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [30]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Character, Autistic Ezra Bridger, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: When Hera is captured by the Empire, Ezra takes the lead in planning her rescue, but he's not convinced it won't all go wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

Ezra had never seen Kanan so afraid and so angry and it terrified him.  Kanan’s hands were shaking, his jaw set as he paced back and forth in front of Ezra, who was anxiously waiting for Kanan to just tell him what to do.  _Someone_ needed to tell him what to do.

With each passing second, fear tightened around Ezra’s heart.  Fear of what, he didn’t even know for sure.  But everything was _wrong_ and nothing was the way it should be and Hera was gone and Kanan’s presence in the Force felt cracked and jagged like broken glass.

“Kanan,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.

The words died in his throat as Kanan turned to face him.  His own fear was bad enough, but the added weight of Kanan’s only made it worse.  He'd seen Kanan afraid before, but no matter what, Kanan was still steady and solid and he could keep it together, but if he couldn't do that then what else was about to fall apart?  If this could break Kanan, what hope did the rest of them have of getting through it?

“We’ll get her back,” Kanan said, seemingly more to himself than to Ezra.  “We’ll get her back.”

Kanan began pacing again, barely seeming to be there inside his own head.  Ezra could practically feel him trying to think, the wheels turning in his head and then spinning out of control, thrown off track by his fear.

He wasn’t going to be able to do this, Ezra realized.  Losing Hera had pushed Kanan too far.  He couldn’t take the lead on this, not on his own, at least.

“Kanan,” Ezra said again, stepping forward and putting a hand on his master’s arm, stopping him in his tracks.  “You’re right.  We’ll get her back.  I’ll make sure we do.”

“Ezra, I can't ask you to lead this,” Kanan said.  “You’re not --”

“I am ready,” Ezra said.  “I can handle it.  You’ve always been there for me to lean on.  It’s my turn to be there for you.”

Kanan pulled Ezra into his arms, holding him close like he was afraid Ezra was about to disappear, too.

“I’ve got you this time,” Ezra said.  "And I've got Hera, too."

* * *

 

“You really think this will work?” Sabine asked.

“It has to,” Ezra said.  _It’s our only shot._

The gliders they’d built should get them to the Imperial complex.  Kanan would break Hera out while Sabine and Ezra stole them a ride out of there.  Assuming that Ezra hadn’t completely botched the planning stage.  And assuming nothing just went wrong for no reason.  Two big assumptions, which was more than Ezra was comfortable with.

As Ezra hooked the gliders to the back of the speeder bike with a heavy durasteel cable, Zeb clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good luck, kid,” he said.

“Thanks,” Ezra said, his voice flat and distant, his mind too focused on going over the plan again and again in his head.  “Someone should tell Kanan we’re ready.”

“I know.”

Ezra turned to see Kanan approaching.  He wasn’t wearing his mask and his hair was shorter, hacked off with a knife.  Something about it set Ezra on edge, like it was a sign of _something_ , but he didn’t know what.  Something big and inevitable.  Something that Kanan knew and he didn't.  Kanan had kept to himself, letting Ezra handle the planning, and it was now hitting Ezra that he had no idea what had been going on in Kanan’s head.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Ezra, Sabine, and Kanan climbed onto the gliders, laying flat on them, as Zeb powered up the speeder bike. As Zeb began to drive the bike forward, the gliders were dragged behind him until they began to lift off the ground.  As they rose into the air, Ezra reached out through the Force, unhooking the cable and letting the gliders fly on their own.

This plan had to work.  There was no going back now.


	2. Chapter 2

The gliders skidded as they landed on the platform.  Ezra stood up, taking a breath and giving himself one last chance to prepare for what they were about to do.

“Here,” Sabine said, handing Kanan the magnetic climbers.  “They’ll stick to the outside of the dome.”

“Perfect,” Kanan said.

Ezra’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Kanan.  There was something in his voice that seemed…off.  He knew Kanan hadn’t been okay since Hera was captured, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong and Kanan was hiding something.  But he had to trust that Kanan knew what he was doing.  Trusting Kanan had always been the right choice.

“Pryce’s office is about six levels down,” Ezra said.  “Hera should be --”

“I know where she is,” Kanan said.

“Alright,” Ezra said with a nod.  “We’ll get the ship.  Just signal us when you’re ready.”

“Be careful,” Kanan said.

“Aren’t we always?” Ezra asked with a smile.

“You don’t want me to answer that,” Kanan said.

As they ran toward the nearest entrance to the dome, Kanan called after them.

“Ezra, Sabine,” he said.  They stopped and looked back at him.  “May the Force be with you.”

The words were nothing out of the ordinary, but hearing them caused something to go cold in Ezra’s chest.  He hesitated for a moment, watching as Kanan stepped off the ledge and began to climb down toward Pryce’s office.  Something didn’t feel right and it was too late to call this off or turn back or change the plan.  Whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

Ezra was jolted out of his thoughts by Sabine touching his arm.

“Let’s get moving,” she said.

Ezra nodded and turned to follow her.  That cold, fluttering feeling in his chest stuck with him as he and Sabine made their way through the corridors.  Their stolen armor kept them relative safe from being spotted, but the absolute certainty that _something will go wrong_ hammered away inside his head.

_Focus_ , he told himself.  They just had to get to the aerial troop transports and steal one of them.  Not easy, but not any harder than anything else they’d done before.

By the time they reached the hangar, troopers and pilots were rushing to the transports.

“Well, Kanan must have gotten Hera out,” Sabine said.

Ezra nodded.  A momentary wave of relief rushed through him, but it quickly faded, drowned out by that anxious, insistent certainty that something was wrong.

“I’ll take care of the pilot,” Sabine said.

Ezra nodded again and split off from Sabine, heading toward the back of the transport.  There were three stormtroopers standing in the back, waiting for the pilot.  It would be easier to take care of them once they were in the air.  He stepped onto the transport, doing his best to look like he actually belonged there as Sabine climbed into the cockpit, having taken out the real pilot.

Sabine fired up the engines and lifted off, staying behind the other two transports so she’d have a clearer shot at them if she needed it.

_“Spectre Five, do you read?”_   Ezra felt his heart skip a beat even as relief flooded through him when he heard Kanan’s voice.  _“How are you coming with that ship?”_

“Kanan!” Sabine said.  “Did you get her?”

_“Of course he did.”_   That was Hera’s voice this time.  She actually sounded okay, but that didn’t necessarily mean she wasn’t hurt.

_“There’s been a change of plans,”_ Kanan said.  _“We need a pick-up --”_

“In the fuel depot,” Sabine said.  “I know.  The Empire does, too.”

_“We’ll be on top of the central fuel pod.”_

“Acknowledged,” Sabine said before she looked back at Ezra.  “Spectre Six, you’re gonna want to hang on.”

“Sorry, guys,” Ezra said, glancing at the stormtroopers.  “This is where you get off.”

He reached up, clinging to the rail above him as Sabine banked hard to the side.  The stormtroopers, caught off guard, were thrown out the open side of the transport.  As they fell, Sabine fired on the two transports ahead of them, blasting them out of the sky before the other pilots could realize something was wrong.

Ezra held on as Sabine sped up, dodging past the falling debris from the other transports.  As Sabine grew closer and closer to the fuel depot, that insistent, panicked feeling in Ezra's chest only grew stronger.

“I see them!” Ezra called.  Kanan and Hera were still indistinct figures in the distance, but there was no one else it could be.

“Me, too,” Sabine said.  “Just be ready to help them if they need it.”

Sabine swooped down toward the fuel pod, leveling off beside it.  Ezra reached out and took Hera’s hand as Kanan boosted her up toward him.  As Ezra hauled her onto the transport, he felt that dread that had plagued him since the op began take hold of him completely, as if the Force itself was screaming in his ear.  A bright flash cut through the darkness and a sound loud enough to shake the transport split the air.

As Ezra watched, Kanan turned away and rushed toward the wall of flame that erupted from the fuel pod.

Ezra couldn’t move.  He was frozen in place as Kanan threw his hands out, holding the fire and the concussive force of the explosion back.  Ezra heard Hera scream Kanan’s name like her voice was coming from miles away.  He felt her pull away from him and grabbed for her arm, but was too slow as she leapt from the transport back onto the fuel pod.  Kanan reached out toward her, throwing her back toward the transport.  As he looked back over his shoulder, silently warning them to stay back, Ezra was snapped out of his terrified trance, feeling like an electric shock had jolted him out of it, spurring him into action.

Ezra grabbed onto Hera, pulling her back onto the transport.  As soon as she was safely on board, Ezra jumped down to the fuel pod.  He ran toward Kanan, skidding to a halt beside him and throwing all his strength behind his master’s, helping him hold back the flames.  He could feel the metal warping and buckling under his feet.  They didn’t have much time.

“Ezra…” Kanan’s voice was strained as he forced Ezra’s name out through gritted teeth.  “…Ezra, _go!_ ”

“I’m not leaving you,” Ezra said, his voice shaking under the effort of holding the explosion back.  “We can do this together.”

“Ezra, please --”

_No!_   Ezra didn’t need to say it out loud.  He knew Kanan would feel his refusal to run, to leave his father to die.

Ezra took a hesitant step backwards, putting a hand on Kanan’s arm, silently begging his master to follow him.  He felt it just before it happened as Kanan grabbed hold of him through the Force, pushing him back toward the transport.  His hand tightened around Kanan’s arm and he shifted his focus from the fire to Kanan.

He held on tightly to Kanan through the Force, clinging to him like both their lives depended on it, dragging Kanan with him.

“Ezra, no!”

There was a groaning creak of collapsing metal and Ezra felt the air around him heat up fast.  In the distance, he heard a voice shouting “Go!  Go now!”  Searing pain burst across his skin, shooting through him.  Someone’s hand closed around his arm, dragging him backwards just before his head struck something.  Everything around him was blurring and moving too fast and at some point Kanan had slipped out of his grasp and when Ezra reached out to find him, all he felt was pain.

“Ezra!”

Someone was shaking him.  A hand was patting his face.

“Ezra!”

He didn’t know if it was his eyes opening or his vision clearing, but Hera’s face suddenly came into focus above him.

“Ka--”

Ezra's attempt to call Kanan's name was cut off as a fresh wave of pain hit him and he cried out.

“Sabine!” Hera called, glancing over her shoulder.

“Working on it!” Sabine shouted back from the cockpit.

Ezra was vaguely aware of the transport shaking, but he was too dazed to know if it was a normal amount.

“Kanan,” he muttered.

He felt someone’s fingers brush the back of his hand and cried out again as pain radiated from where they’d made contact.

Ezra’s awareness faded in and out, his sense overwhelmed by the sharp bursts of pain that shot through him.  He could hear Sabine shouting in frustration, words he couldn't quite make out, before the transport jolted sharply and stopped moving.  Someone -- it felt like Hera -- hauled him to his feet, supporting him as he stumbled along beside her.

“Just hang on,” Hera said.  “You’ll be okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

Ezra looked down and ran his fingers over the bandages that covered the right side of his chest.  Hera had warned him a few times now not to poke at his burns, but he couldn’t help it.  The pain medication Hera had found in the _Phantom’s_ emergency supplies left Ezra unable to do much of anything else.  He’d tried to refuse it, saying Kanan needed it more, but Hera had insisted there was more than enough for both of them.  Now that he was barely able to move, carefully assessing his own injuries was the only thing Ezra could do to keep himself from looking over at Kanan.  Hera was still treating him using the medical supplies she’d found on the _Phantom_ and the _Nightbrother_.  Ezra didn’t know the full extent of Kanan’s burns yet, but from what he could see, they looked so much worse than his.

“Ezra.”  Kanan barely sounded conscious as he quietly called Ezra’s name.

“He’s okay,” Hera said.  “Don’t worry.”

“I’m here,” Ezra muttered.  His voice was slurred from the painkillers, and so quiet he wasn’t sure Kanan could hear him.

Even as every part of his body felt like it was weighed down, Ezra dragged himself away from where he sat toward where Kanan was propped up against the opposite wall of the _Phantom_.  He slumped against the wall beside Kanan and reached out, his uninjured left hand wrapping around Kanan’s hand.

“I’m right here,” Ezra said.

Kanan’s hand grew tighter around his for a moment, holding onto him like he thought Ezra would vanish if he let go.

* * *

 

Ezra spent the next several hours floating in and out of the haze caused by the drugs Hera had given him.  When his head cleared, he saw Sabine sitting just inside the _Phantom’s_ open hatch, clearly sitting watch over him and Kanan.

Slowly, Ezra sat up.  At some point, he’d been moved onto a sleeping bag.  Kanan lay next to him, still either unconscious or so heavily sedated by the pain meds that the distinction between awake but out of it and asleep didn’t really matter.

“Hey,” Sabine said, keeping her voice low.  “How you feeling?”

Ezra shrugged, wincing as he did so.  The burns to his arm and side still ached, sending sharp spikes of pain shooting through him as he moved.

“Here,” Sabine said, reaching for something on her other side.  “Hera told me to give you more pain meds when yours wore off.”

Ezra shook his head.

“They’ll help,” Sabine said.

“I don’t want…” Ezra gestured to his head, hoping Sabine would understand that he didn’t like what they did to his head.

Sabine just shrugged and let the subject drop.  Ezra knew she probably didn’t agree with his refusal of the drugs, but he also knew she wouldn’t make him take anything he didn’t want to.

“How’s Kanan?” Ezra asked.

“He’ll be okay,” Sabine said.

Ezra said nothing in response and just stared at Kanan.  There were bandages covering his chest, upper right arm, part of his neck, and his right jaw.  His breathing was steady and even, which comforted Ezra a little.  Only a little.

“Hey,” Sabine said, tapping his leg to draw his attention back to her.  “You don’t have to take the painkillers, but you should keep resting.”

For once, Ezra didn’t argue with that suggestion.  He felt like he’d been hit by a speeder and then thrown against a wall.  He just nodded and lay down again, closing his eyes and listening intently for the sound of Kanan’s breathing.

* * *

 

Ezra woke up to the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.  When he looked up, he saw Kanan sitting up, a worried look on his face as his sightless eyes stared down at Ezra.

“Kanan?” Ezra asked as he sat up.  “Are you --”

“I’m okay,” Kanan said.  “Or I will be.  Are you?”

“The same,” Ezra said, his voice breaking.  Sabine had told him Kanan would be okay, and he’d seen Kanan breathing just fine, but it was different to see him awake and talking.

Kanan threw his arms around Ezra, pulling him into an embrace so tight it hurt a little bit, but Ezra couldn’t bring himself to care about that.  He slid his arms around Kanan’s chest, returning the hug, shaking as the knowledge that Kanan was _here_ and _alive_ and he almost hadn’t been crashed over him.  He tightened his arms around Kanan as he felt Kanan gently kiss the top of his head.

“Don’t _ever_ do something like that again,” Kanan said, his voice breaking.

Ezra looked up to see tears forming in Kanan’s eyes.  Seeing it caused something inside Ezra to snap like a dam breaking, and seconds later he felt tears stinging at his own eyes.  He buried his face in Kanan’s uninjured shoulder.

“I couldn’t let you die,” Ezra said.  “I couldn’t do it.”

“Any Jedi would give their life for their student,” Kanan said.

“I don’t care,” Ezra said.  “You’re not just my master, Kanan.”

“I know,” Kanan said.  “But if it meant my family would be safe, I was ready to die.  But not for you to die with me.”

Ezra didn’t say anything in response.  He couldn’t.  He didn’t care.  He’d been ready to die to save his family, too, but not to lose Kanan.  He shook as a heavy sob wracked his whole body and Kanan’s arms tightened around him.

“Hey,” Kanan said gently, running a hand across Ezra’s hair to soothe him.  “I am so proud of you, Ezra.  You scared me half to death, but I’m proud of you.  But _please_ don’t do something like that again.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  Please don’t throw it away now.  Not for me.”

“I couldn’t watch you die, Dad,” Ezra said, clinging to Kanan even tighter.  He couldn’t make that promise.  He wouldn’t.

"And you didn't," Kanan said.  "It's okay now.  We're okay."

Ezra just nodded and kept holding on to Kanan, almost afraid to let him go in case he woke up to find everything had been a dream and he hadn't really saved him.

"I'm right here," Kanan said, as if he knew exactly what Ezra was thinking.  "I'm not going anywhere.  Not this time."


End file.
